Game over.

I have to be brutally honest here because I feel like my life kind of depends on it lately. I can't have anything to hide anymore, I have to be that better person I mentioned yesterday. I have to be honest and teach myself some differences between right and wrong. It's nothing I do on purpose, but I find that I sometimes struggle to see where the line is between the two. 

You see, sometimes I find myself playing games, and they are not games of the good kind. I play games with myself, in my head, and I play games with other people. Now, I don't want to come across on the wrong tracks here. At the time, I have blinkers on and I do not see that what I am doing is wrong, or may hurt someone, (most often myself, don't worry). But do you ever get those times when you realise something, the second it's too late? I get that a lot. I don't mean to make regrets for myself, but there are many times when I have regret something I have done or said. I am often guilty of following through with irrational and spontaneous ideas, and in the end they leave me in a worse place than I was before. So for the best interests of myself and everyone around me, I'm going to try my best to think before my words or actions cause any more hurt. After all, my best is all I can give.

Boy am I putting myself on the line here. It is absolutely terrifying yet so weirdly satisfying. I don't think I've ever been this honest with myself, only 'admitting' things like this in my head and brushing them off. That's no life for myself.

I'm only human. I hurt people. I make mistakes. I do things wrong. I get lost. I forget things. I have flaws. 

Hey, I'm pretty much just a monster.

But I'm working on it.

I promise.

Courtney's Imagination★