You live to dance another day.

I just wanted to share this with you guys today, because it’s a song that means a lot to me.

Whether you’ve had the best day, the worst, or a pretty average one, I want you to listen to  this song and really listen to the lyrics. I want you to remember that there will always be someone in this world in a worse situation than you, and more often than not, they will have a better attitude towards their situation than you. This doesn’t make you a bad person at all because it’s instinct and everybody is different, but maybe this could be a wake up call to some of you.

The world doesn’t end until the sky touches the grass.

You are not the unluckiest person in the world, and never will be.

Whether you see it or not, however you feel about yourself, I can assure you that people love you. They really do. People are bad at showing their feelings sometimes.

If you fall 1,000,000 times, you have to stand up again, 1,000,001 times.

You live to dance another day. Make the most of that day. You are lucky to have it.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Sharing is caring...

Somebody once shared an amazing story with me that made me realise just how strong I had become, and I want to share it with you guys because it had a great impact on my life. Some of you may know it already, but it’s called ‘The Room of 1000 Demons’.

Once upon a time, a long long time ago in Tibet, there was a ceremony held every one hundred years which Buddhist students could undergo in order to attain ‘enlightenment’.  All of the students would line up in their white robes, and the Tibetan priests and the Dalai Lama would line up before the students.

The Dalai Lama would begin the ceremony by saying, “This is the ceremony of The Room of 1,000 Demons.  It is a ceremony for enlightenment, and it happens only once every one hundred years. If you choose not to go through with it now, you will have to wait for another one hundred years. To help you make this decision, we’ll tell you what the ceremony involves.”

“In order to enter The Room of 1,000 Demons, all you have to do is open the door and walk in. The Room of 1,000 Demons is not very big. Once you enter, the door will close behind you. There is no door handle on the inside of the door. In order to get out, you will have to walk all the way through the room, find the door on the other side, open the door (which is unlocked), and walk out of the room. Then you will be enlightened.”

“The room is called The Room of 1,000 Demons because there are one thousand demons in there. These demons have the ability to take the form of your worst fears. As soon as you walk into the room, the demons will show you your worst fears. If you have a fear of heights, when you walk into the room it will appear as if you are standing on a narrow ledge of an extremely tall building. If you have a fear of spiders, you’ll be surrounded by the most terrifying eight-legged creatures imaginable. Whatever your fears are, the demons take those images from your mind and seem to make them real.  In fact, they’ll be so compellingly real that it will be very difficult to remember that they’re not.”

“We can’t come in and rescue you. That is part of the rules. If you go into The Room of 1,000 Demons, you must leave it on your own. Some people never leave. They go into The Room of 1,000 Demons and become paralysed with fright. They stay trapped in the room until they die. If you want to take the risk of entering the room, that’s fine. If you don’t want to go in and decide that you want to go home instead, that’s fine. You don’t have to enter the room. You can wait until you are re-incarnated, come back in one hundred years time, and try it again.”

“If you want to enter the room, we have two hints for you.  The first hint: As soon as you enter The Room of 1,000 Demons, remember that what the demons show you isn’t real. It’s all from your mind. Don’t buy into it; it’s an illusion. Of course, most of the people who went into the room before you couldn’t remember that. This idea is very difficult to keep in mind.  The second hint has been more helpful for the people who made it out the other side and became enlightened. Once you go into the room, no matter what you see, no matter what you feel, no matter what you hear, no matter what you think, keep your feet moving. If you keep your feet moving, you will eventually get to the other side, find the door, and come out.”

I think this truly shows us that fear is often simply a figment of our imaginations, and how much we are able to conquer it if we are willing.

What would your fear in the room be?

Courtney’s Imagination★

Dr. Pepper’s nothin’ but a cliché.

There are many times in my life where I find myself hesitating over whether or not to do something, as I’m sure there are for you, too. Something I discovered would help myself through this, is to think of Dr. Pepper. Yes, I really am telling you to think about a fizzy drink when you find yourself indecisive. Whether you like it or not is irrelevant, don’t worry, you don’t have to drink it. But when you think of that drink, what else comes to mind? For me, it’s the slogan.

‘Dr. Pepper, what’s the worst that could happen?’

So many people never consider pros and cons in their decisions and that works sometimes, but what happens when you make the wrong choice? Sometimes asking yourself ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ can really help you in deciding the probability that you’ll regret your choice.

Forget regret or life is yours to miss.

No other road, no other way, no day but today.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Heart's aren't just muscles.

How many people do you hold in your heart? Now, literally fitting other human beings into your heart is pretty impossible, but emotionally, it’s simple. Quite often I think people jump into things and give up control of their hearts, but that’s something I learnt not to do a long time ago. I am always apprehensive when a guy begins to melt my heart, because I always have to wonder what’s best for me.

The guys in my life have taught me a lot, but some of them have been a struggle to have in my life. There are also some who I will always have a weak spot for though, I’ll be honest. That doesn't mean I want them back or that I love them, it doesn't mean that at all. What it does mean, is that I will always care, and want them to be okay, and happy. Whether I still talk to them or not, the past cannot be changed and the memories will forever make me smile. 

So many quotes tell you to never give up on somebody you love, but I don’t agree with that at all. Often in life, the things we want are not the things we need to better ourselves and our lives, and most people do not understand that. I’ll admit, there are a lot of quotes that fit with my life, but I think that solely living your life on every quote that fits is silly. Your life is unique and you are unique. Don’t follow the crowd and make your life fit to quotes, live your life and choose your own wise words. After all, your life is about your choices.

Never hold on to somebody who hurts you profoundly, because that is what they will always do if you never let go. Nobody is perfect and you will always be at risk of being hurt, but some people will truly love you forever. I promise.

Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t change my life for the world.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Happiness is not a crime.

When I first decided to start writing this blog, I thought it’d be easy. I knew the things I wanted to be writing, knew the people I wanted to see it, and I knew what I wanted it to achieve for myself. As more and more people have been introduced to the things I write however, it’s become more difficult. I guess I was just like everyone else in my life, not understanding how much it actually meant to me.

A few days ago it hit me, that despite the fact a lot of you guys don’t know who I am, there’s also a lot of you who do. The more I share on here, the more chance there is that my loved ones who know nothing, will begin to discover who I really am. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to know, but I don’t want them to see the pain they had no idea I went through, and the things they had no idea I felt. Maybe one day I will gain the courage to tell them, or even send them a link so they can see my heart and soul spread bare onto a screen. For now, I’m pleased I can share it with you. Yes, you right there.

Moving on to a more positive note, I have been feeling amazing. January is a tough month for me with all the dates and memories it holds, but I am so pleased to be able to say that I have felt like I have spent the past week or so on top of the world. I am so content with myself, with my mind, with my actions, and with the great big smile on my face. Have you ever wondered what people think about you when you sit in a crowded room with the cheesiest grin ever? Me too, in the past. I don’t care now. I am happy, end of.

It’s not a crime to take a trip and stumble due to your mistakes. It’s a crime to not pick yourself up after you fall.

One day I will tell you more of my secrets. Until then, focus on yourself, and smile.

Happy to be me...

Courtney’s Imagination★

Right as rain.

Sorry I haven’t written for a few days, I’ve been taking time out. I don’t mean that in a bad way, or that I’m feeling bad, but I needed some time to get inspired.

I have written a few things that I’ll upload, but I haven’t yet had enough time to make sure they have the right meaning, as they were just word-vomit rambles.

Anyway. I’m on Adele high at the minute, and just wanted to share the Adele love...

'Cause when hard work don't pay off

And I'm tired there ain't no room in my bed

As far as I'm concerned

So wipe that dirty smile off

We won't be making up

I've cried my heart out

And now I've had enough of love’

Today’s a good day. A really good day.

If yours isn’t the same, think about yourself for a while. Think about what you need, realistically, to get you to a happy place. Today, or any day. Get yourself there.

And smile... :)
Courtney’s Imagination ★

★

I wish I was beside the sea.

Courtney’s Imagination★

When everything feels like the movies...

The past few months of my life have been so dramatic that sometimes they still feel surreal. I’ll happily admit that I’m not ready to write details here, but the constant support of some of you amazing people has been more than enough to help me through. There are some things I’ve learnt though, that I’d like to share...

• Communication is a necessary part of life.
• I’m better than letting people get me down when they talk about my life.
• Each kick when I’m down just makes me stronger.
• Life always gets worse before it gets better.
• Sometimes, I need to take time for myself.
• A lot of people are untrustworthy.
• Girls are excellent liars.
• Sometimes it’s the situation that hurts, rather than the people in it.
• Relationships make things more difficult.
• There will always be something that's needed to be said.
• If we don’t make decisions we’re faced with, life will make them for us. Sometimes those decisions are good, sometimes they hurt, and sometimes they’re needed.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” - James Baldwin.

A lot was handled in the wrong way, but I guess sometimes even when you lose, you win.

Embrace everything you feel. Accept everything life throws at you.

I’m not a robot, and neither are you.
Courtney’s Imagination ★

It's like you're a drug.

In my life I’ve never taken illegal drugs, but that doesn’t mean I’ve never had addictions. I definitely have.

A couple of years ago somebody sent me a dance clip related to addiction and it is so incredibly powerful I instantly found myself drawn in.  Recently somebody sent it to me again, and I instantly wanted to share it with you guys.

Kupono is portrayed as being the addiction, and Kayla is the person caught up in the struggle of addiction fighting it with everything she has. The movements fit with the song so well to represent an addiction battle, but I think the emotion and expression on their faces totally make the piece complete. The dance is choreographed by Mia Michaels and is incredibly beautiful, and I believe it is so gripping and breathtaking, simply because so many people can relate to addiction at some point in their lives.

Addictions engulf lives. They make people dependent and take away their control, but everybody is strong enough to battle their addiction if they believe in themselves. Whether you’re addicted to a person, drugs, alcohol, bad habits, or something else, fight it. Fight that addiction til you’re unable to fight anymore.

Win your battle with addiction. Free yourself.

Never give up on yourself.

Courtney’s Imagination★

To a true hero.

I’m a couple of days early to be writing this post, but I’m going to write it now while I can. I’m sorry if this brings back memories or pain for you, but it’s something I need to write about because this guy needs a mention.

Two years ago, January 18th, I made a discovery I wished I hadn’t. I discovered that the day before, somebody had died. I’m not gonna bring up details, but it wasn’t easy for anybody.

You see, the man who we lost was the most loved teacher in the school, and losing him affected every single one of us. There wasn’t a dry eye in school that week. And you can go ahead and call me me lame, or weak, or a geek, but however cliché, that tragedy hit our school harder than it had ever been hit before.

Luke Day was one of the most caring people I knew. He was always smiling and laughing, always singing happy songs, and was the one person you could see above everybody in the school, because he was so tall. Luke and his wife were and extremely big on adventure and always cycling around, and for their honeymoon they completed the amazing challenge of cycling to Turkey.

On many occasions he helped me out, whether it was advice, help with languages, or simply just making me smile. He always knew what to say, even in lessons when we got restless; he would make us laugh with french songs and making fun of his unique traits like his messy hair. He was literally the big friendly giant, and we all loved him.

If you know Luke and are reading this feeling sad, I want you to remember all of the awesome memories you have of him, and all the good things. Luke was inspirational, positive, motivational, and full of hope, and he wouldn’t want you to cry or be sad. So much so, that he would probably make fun of himself just to make you laugh. Hear that in your head, that big friendly voice? See that untucked shirt and fluorescent vest? Unfortunately we can’t change what’s happened however much we wish, but we can embrace Luke’s memory and let him continue to inspire us.

He was a truly amazing person and we know he’ll never be forgotten, but let’s not let those smiles we have be forgotten, either.

Thoughts go out to everybody missing Luke.

Rest in peace, hero.

Courtney’s Imagination ★

P.s. Just incase you need a little help laughing, remember this...

Thank-You.

I just wanted to take a moment here for a few thank-yous.

To all the ones...

Who've lost their patience with me, and struggled to find the words to comfort me.

Who love me for the words I write, and the things I feel, and the person I am.

Who help me smile even when they can't.

Who encourage me and reassure me even when they know the situation is falling apart.

Who laugh with me and cry with me, and laugh with me again.

Who have impacted my life more than they could imagine, however often I tell them.

Last but definitely not least, thankyou to you, for reading this and supporting me.

I am young and yet to conquer many battles in my life, but already the ones I have conquered are uncountable.

‘What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger’ - Albert Camus.

It could not be truer.

Thanks again, lovely people!

Never hold back something that means something to you.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Why am I terrified?

Over the past few days, I’ve found myself reflecting on some of my thoughts and actions from the past. I am by no means digging up the past, I just felt that there was a question I needed to answer for myself. So often, I have been the girl that gives in to her fear and it’s held me back from so many amazing things in my life, that I’m quite tired of it. Sometimes even when I just tell myself ‘go for it!’, or ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’, in the back of my mind I am still crippled with fear. I’ve been thinking about it and decided that I’d like to kind of conclude why I am so petrified, and why I let it hold me back and run away from things.

For as long as I can remember, I would live my life as my own person and not talk about it with people. I became such a private and enclosed person, and as I got older, it became more and more difficult to want to change that habit. I think I had the opinion that it would protect me from getting hurt in a way, and that if I didn’t share my life with people, it meant there’d be less people to judge me or hate me. As I was bullied, I was so naive and caught up in my own little world that I never saw it as being that ‘b’ word. For years and years, all I knew was that it hurt me so much, and I thought it would never stop. I was so young when it started that it was just my life, every day, and I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal for someone to make you hurt so much. Besides, what in this world would ever make me want to admit that I didn’t wanna live through it, when I thought their lives had been the same? 

I think that explains to me the reason I begun to not talk about the things happening in my life, but saying that it was hard to break the habit just doesn’t seem enough. It feels like nothing but an excuse. Or maybe that’s just me being hard on myself?

I’d say I was most scared of myself out of anything; what I said, what I did,  what I felt, etc. As different people came into my life and impacted it, each of them would give me a new attitude. Some would bring inspiration, some: motivation, and others would make me not care. That’s right, the girl who cared way too much about everything in her life, discovered it was possible to not give a damn about something. It was a different feeling which was freeing, but the feeling these people brought me was self destruction. When I got tired of being terrified, I would become extremely impulsive. I would know perfectly the things that were no good for me, but would embrace them to their full extent anyway and somehow, love it. I think it was the element of control that I loved, after feeling so out of control about the rest of my life. Anything I regretted I would block out, so that it didn’t take away that tiny piece of twisted happiness I’d have.

With so many people meaning such different things to me, I thought that maybe it was the people who scared me, rather than the situation. I’d grown a habit to never let anybody grow too close to me, so they couldn’t hurt me. I had such trouble trying to fit people into my life because I would never let them break down my guard. I was scared of being loved, and couldn’t embrace it so at the first sign of seeing the possibility of more pain, I would always run. For me, it seemed a pretty big thing that other people could love me, when I was far from loving myself. As I began to love myself more, it became a challenge I set myself, to not run away from someone trying to love me. So far I have only completed that challenge a few times.

Writing this has opened my own eyes to the reality of my life, but I’m glad I could realise so many things whilst I’m still so young and have my entire life to embrace the changes I can make. Fear doesn’t just disappear and I’ll probably be battling with it for a while, but I definitely need to think about things less.

Take that leap for yourself, and share it with everyone you love. Try not to think about the fear, and never let it swallow up your life.

‘Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.’ - A Cinderella Story.


“To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.”
― Taylor Swift

Be fearless.

Next time I’ll be braver...

Courtney’s Imagination★

Still standing tall.

This morning’s post feels like a breakthrough for me, and it was something I had to do for myself. For too long, I was the girl who would not open up about anything, then I became the girl who selectively opened up, only about the things she wanted. That was never enough, for me. I’ve always said I need to put less pressure on myself, but maybe this time it’s paid off.

This is a feeling I’m incredibly not used to, but it feels good as well as uncomfortable. It reminds me of the times it felt wrong to be happy, because it was something that was so different for me. Being open is good for me, it’s amazing. I’ll always remember something I heard on an inspiring school trip that I’d like to share with you guys, because they’re pretty wise words;

“If you’re feeling comfortable, get the hell out. Go and find something uncomfortable. Go and find an uncomfortable place to be. Not a stupidly uncomfortable place, but somewhere you know you need to be, but that you’re just really scared of going there. Just go there. Nothing’s gonna get you there apart from just go there. So be it Kazakhstan, be it on stage, or whatever. Whatever it is for you, just go there.” - Justin Connor.

So hello, this is me. The girl I thought I’d never be, but I am extremely proud of.

The thing I’ve learnt today, is that life should never be about proving things to other people, but about showing yourself who you are. It’s about showing yourself how capable, strong, beautiful, and amazing you are, to deal with anything that is thrown your way.

Push yourself to your limits, and do the things you know you can do. Stop searching, and start believing.

Stand strong and tall, so you can reach those stars.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Do superheroes live forever?

Have you ever lost somebody, yet fought yourself over the reality?

How about watched someone you love slowly slip away right in front of your eyes?

When I first started this blog, I made a promise to myself. I decided I didn’t have to write about everything in my life, but I swore that the things I chose to write about, would be 110% honesty. So here goes, 110% heart and soul, thrown at the screen. 110% of emotion, on the one subject I never talk about. 'Cause sooner or later, things are always shared.

Out of everything I have been through in my life, I’ve always said none of it is really comparable because it’s all different, and makes me feel different things. That changed however, as I got told the news that slowly began to eat me up. I never let myself think about it, scared of the reality. I never let myself talk about it, terrified of admitting that it’s happening. I’m good at denying stuff and lying, I had my life as practice.

When my nan stood beside me in my living room and told me that she had Alzheimer’s disease, I suddenly found myself with a bullet proof wall around me and a bullet stuck on the outside. I could not let it sink into me. I could not face the reality. Her voice was still so cheerful, and I admire that more than words could ever describe. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand or that it hadn’t sunk in yet either, because even now on a really good day, she will tell me again, and again. She understands it perfectly well. 

I’ve only totally opened up about this to one person, and that’s only because she’s been in my shoes. Well, my actual shoes would be too big for her, but you know what I mean. I don’t remember the last time it came up and I know she hates to think about it, but for what it’s worth, her answers were more than enough, and I’d like to thank her again.

Every time I see my nan she has gotten that little bit worse, and it kills me. Sometimes I have to sit besides her in silence and let my mum do most of the talking, just so I don’t have to answer the same questions over and over. This nan is my dad’s mum, so it doesn’t affect my mum as much. Sometimes I never say a single word while I’m there, just so I don’t fall apart in front of people. That’s the thing, I hide my emotions about this, and try to block it out. I still struggle to face the reality. I don’t want to face it. I have to be the strong one, right? Isn’t that how the story goes?

I think my Grandad is the true hero, and rock of the family. On a bad day, I can see the life being sucked away from him and it breaks my heart. As he looks at her, you can see the hurt and wonder in his eyes. You can see the love in his eyes. When I look into his eyes, I always wish I could stop him hurting, but I’m not a miracle worker, and I can’t take this away with a wish like I believed when I was a kid.

The way I’ve dealt with most things in life is through learning acceptance, but I’ve never understood how to accept something that is always changing, right in front of me. Every time I feel ready to face the situation, I am suddenly thrown into a whirlwind of emotion as I realise that the situation has changed, as I realise that my nan has declined, again. That’s how Alzheimer’s works, from what I can understand. It’s as if the person’s brain is going backwards in time, and bit by bit, memory by memory, they begin to forget their entire lives. It's like we're losing her, before she's even left us.

I remember something my mum once told me that my nan had told her; she said ‘As long as I remember my grandchildren, I don’t care.’ And that’s when it hit me, how much life had changed as I’d grown up, and how much the thought of losing her, hurt me. I am the baby of the family, and the thought of being the first to be forgotten, a time where I'm the only one she doesn't remember, shatters my heart.


When you’re a kid, you always think that your parents and grandparents will never change. I’m pretty sure for a while, I even used to think they would outlive me. I didn’t know death existed. Oh how those were the days. ‘Cause when you’re a kid, the people you look up to in life are your superheroes, and in comic books, the heroes are portrayed as always being there. 

I love my grandparents, and I don’t say it often enough. They will always be my superheroes. ♥

Courtney’s Imagination★