Never regret anything, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

The sun may have taken a break where I am today, but whilst it was shining bright yesterday, it got me thinking. I know I’ve mentioned before about the changes I’ve made, but it’s when you have deja-vu moment, that’s when it really hits you.

I was walking down the street yesterday with the sun beaming down onto my skin, and I had one of those moments. I was wearing a dress and sandals, that’s it. No tights or leggings, no cardigan or jumper, just skin. A couple of years ago, that story would’ve been the opposite.

I remember being nagged to take off my hoodie so I wouldn’t overheat, and asked how on earth I could wear jeans in that heat. Truth be told I have no idea how I didn’t pass out that summer, but I guess it just wasn’t my priority. I remember always wanting to wear long trousers just because I felt like an idiot by wearing long sleeves and showing my legs. I had to wear the long sleeves of course, because if I hadn’t, my secrets would’ve been on show for the world to see.

It must’ve been the summer of 2008 in particular. It was the longest summer of my life; almost 3 months long, because it was the year I left school. It was the year I had the most cuts and scars. It was the year I was most ashamed of myself. It was the year that I had the most to hide. I had to wear those long sleeves to cover those cuts and scars.

So looking down at my arms yesterday with the sun-rays glaring straight onto my skin, I was proud. I am proud. Proud of who I am, and who I’ve been, because the past has made me who I am today. Most of my scars are now invisible to other’s eyes, but I can make them out because I know where they were. They’re the scars that show me how much life can change, how much people can change, and how amazing life can be.

Harming myself used to be an addiction and it used to put me at ease, because I hated myself so much and felt that I deserved punishment.
Now I am glad I’ve made mistakes in my life, because I love myself and I believe those who feel the greatest lows, also feel the greatest highs.

I would not change a single thing that has happened in my life.

Would you?

Change is possible. I am living proof.

No regrets. Life your life, live your dreams. Never lose hope.

Courtney’s Imagination★

When everything feels like the movies...

The past few months of my life have been so dramatic that sometimes they still feel surreal. I’ll happily admit that I’m not ready to write details here, but the constant support of some of you amazing people has been more than enough to help me through. There are some things I’ve learnt though, that I’d like to share...

• Communication is a necessary part of life.
• I’m better than letting people get me down when they talk about my life.
• Each kick when I’m down just makes me stronger.
• Life always gets worse before it gets better.
• Sometimes, I need to take time for myself.
• A lot of people are untrustworthy.
• Girls are excellent liars.
• Sometimes it’s the situation that hurts, rather than the people in it.
• Relationships make things more difficult.
• There will always be something that's needed to be said.
• If we don’t make decisions we’re faced with, life will make them for us. Sometimes those decisions are good, sometimes they hurt, and sometimes they’re needed.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” - James Baldwin.

A lot was handled in the wrong way, but I guess sometimes even when you lose, you win.

Embrace everything you feel. Accept everything life throws at you.

I’m not a robot, and neither are you.
Courtney’s Imagination ★

How many times will it take to get right?

We all make mistakes, every single one of us, even the best of us. We are only human, mistakes and regrets are inevitable. Sure, we all say that we should have no regrets, but then we just go and make more. Some people would call that stupidity, but I’d just call it living. I mean, how do we live without things to learn from? How do we fulfil our lives if they never change, and we never change?

Today, I made a mistake. I tried to involve somebody in a situation that I shouldn’t have. Nobody else can solve our problems and they can’t learn from our mistakes, all they can do is support us. We are the only ones who should control ourselves and our lives, so that we are true to ourselves. Often, we try to back out of something we have created, because we lose our courage. We may not be able to change our past or the reality surrounding us right now, but we all have the ability and strength inside to shape our future.

In life, all that people may ever ask of us is our best, and that is all that we will ever be able to give them. Even if we give more, all it means is that our best has improved and is better than what we thought. Do you give your best, in your life? How many regrets do you have, that you won’t let yourself move on from? I know it’s easier said than done, but giving up on something doesn’t mean that you’re too weak to hold on to it, it means you’re finally strong enough to let it go because you know it’s best for you. I don’t want you to hurt from your mistakes, I want you to be happy. Let go of your pain, free yourself, and smile.

Somebody once told me that I will only ever have one chance at this, and I’m not at a dress rehearsal like the shows I do. He was talking about life. I never really thought about comparing life to anything until that point, but his words could not have been truer. So I’m going to pass on his wisdom to you. I told a lot of people over the holiday period to make the most of every moment they are blessed with, but I’m gonna extend that now.

If you’re reading this, I want you smile from the bottom of your heart, and make the most of every moment that you are presented with for the rest of your life. It’s true that you never know what life may bring, but that stands for the positives, too. Nothing in life is ever just bad, if we open our eyes and let ourselves see the good, too.

You only get one chance, one life. This isn’t a dress rehearsal, or a first draft, or a warm up match. This is real. You’re alive. You have your life. Live it for noone but yourself, and love it, for noone but yourself.

Everything happens for a reason. We are all stronger than we will ever realise, and none of us can predict so much as the next 5 minutes, let alone the rest of our lives.

Whatever you do, smile, laugh, and dream.

Courtney’s Imagination★