Never regret anything, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

The sun may have taken a break where I am today, but whilst it was shining bright yesterday, it got me thinking. I know I’ve mentioned before about the changes I’ve made, but it’s when you have deja-vu moment, that’s when it really hits you.

I was walking down the street yesterday with the sun beaming down onto my skin, and I had one of those moments. I was wearing a dress and sandals, that’s it. No tights or leggings, no cardigan or jumper, just skin. A couple of years ago, that story would’ve been the opposite.

I remember being nagged to take off my hoodie so I wouldn’t overheat, and asked how on earth I could wear jeans in that heat. Truth be told I have no idea how I didn’t pass out that summer, but I guess it just wasn’t my priority. I remember always wanting to wear long trousers just because I felt like an idiot by wearing long sleeves and showing my legs. I had to wear the long sleeves of course, because if I hadn’t, my secrets would’ve been on show for the world to see.

It must’ve been the summer of 2008 in particular. It was the longest summer of my life; almost 3 months long, because it was the year I left school. It was the year I had the most cuts and scars. It was the year I was most ashamed of myself. It was the year that I had the most to hide. I had to wear those long sleeves to cover those cuts and scars.

So looking down at my arms yesterday with the sun-rays glaring straight onto my skin, I was proud. I am proud. Proud of who I am, and who I’ve been, because the past has made me who I am today. Most of my scars are now invisible to other’s eyes, but I can make them out because I know where they were. They’re the scars that show me how much life can change, how much people can change, and how amazing life can be.

Harming myself used to be an addiction and it used to put me at ease, because I hated myself so much and felt that I deserved punishment.
Now I am glad I’ve made mistakes in my life, because I love myself and I believe those who feel the greatest lows, also feel the greatest highs.

I would not change a single thing that has happened in my life.

Would you?

Change is possible. I am living proof.

No regrets. Life your life, live your dreams. Never lose hope.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Time flies, when you're having fun...

Today instead of apologising for the lack of posts this month, I’m going to tell you the reason for it.

A couple of years ago I started writing a book. I was doing well and was pleased with the progress, but then something happened and somewhere along the line it was like I’d lost my pen. I mean, I hadn’t literally lost a pen, but I’d lost whatever it was inside me that was enabling me or motivating me to keep writing that story with so much heart. Several times I tried to bring back the focus, but it never felt right. So lately during one of the busiest times of my life to date, it’s ironic that I have also picked up that pen again. It’s not easy, but hey, the best things in life never are.

So whilst my time has been taken writing something else, it’s been difficult to find time to blog. When I start a writing session, I hate to stop it because I hate to pause and distract the focus. Everything I write has to feel right to me or I won’t be happy with it, and that’s the reason I don’t write short, meaningless posts every day just so I upload something. I write from the heart and I’m not going to sacrifice that.

Maybe one day in the future you will have something a little greater of mine to read, but for today, I shall take some time aside later to do a proper blog post for you guys.

This could help you pass the time...

Courtney’s Imagination★