Because I was taught to say what I need...

I know I've posted about fear a few times already, but it's something that keeps arising because it's still in my life, so this post is gonna be a little bit about it too. I don't want people to think I'm not okay from this post, because I have never been better. I am merely practising honesty, and following the lyrics that taught me a wonderful lesson.

Have you ever been so scared of something, that all you wanna do is run from it?

For a long time now, I've been the girl that tries to take herself out of the bad situations. To myself, I've often felt like all I'm doing is running away or not facing up to it, but most times I know I done the thing that was right for me at the time. Today, I've found myself close to the point of wanting to run away again, but this time it's not from a bad situation.

The first time I managed to pull myself out of a massive rut and felt happiness, it felt wrong because it was different, and not something I had been used to. It scared me at first, but I liked it. Sometimes fear is good because it brings challenges and I like challenges because they always teach me something. Now though, my fear is for something good, but I'm struggling to want to face it. I'm struggling to want to trust.

There has never been a point in my life so far that I have felt as fulfilled as I do now, and that makes me care about myself a lot more than I have before. I have never had as much to lose, as I do these days. I have never been so at risk, for letting people into my life. In a weird way I am proud that I can say that, because my life is in such a great place right now.

Let's sum up the truth behind my fears, shall we?

I am not scared of loving, of trusting, of opening up.

I am scared of somebody no longer loving me, of somebody betraying my trust, and of letting somebody know everything about me, so they can use it against me, to hurt me.

I have been in those situations before. They're far from pretty, and I lost myself for a long time.

Maybe it's paranoia, maybe it's just me, or maybe it's natural. Whatever it is, it's a challenge I may shortly face.

All in all, I've said what I need, and I am still happy. Therefore, I shall end with a happy song...

I'm walking on sunshine...

Courtney's Imagination★