I saw an ambulance today and it instantly cued memories in my mind that made me crack up with laughter. So after a wonderful sunny day I'm going to share it with you, for a laugh! Some of you may find that it's one of those 'you had to be there' kinda situations, but we'll see...
When I was taken into hospital a few years ago it was via ambulance, straight from my Dr's surgery. The paramedics arrived and got me ready to leave, before asking if there was any other exit we could use so they didn't have to wheel me through the waiting room full of people. Then when we were given a reply that there weren't, one of them joked and told me that I should tell the people I passed that I had only come in for a flu jab. This request going to a girl who had barely eaten in weeks, was deathly pale, and had no strength at all. Instantly the room was filled with laughter, and it still cracks me up!
Just like a very wise man once said to me...
"Something good comes out of every situation..."
I love the way people can make the best out of the worst situations!!
This song was my alarm for three weeks, and it definitely brightened those days spent between the same 4 walls. Though, so did the balloons...
This is a picture that I love, and that the scared part of me hates. It's a reminder that just because something is familiar, that doesn't mean it's good for us. Often, dwelling on the past is in fact the opposite of 'good for us'.
There's a reason people from your past haven't made it to your future. Remember that.
I'm a teenage girl (yes, for another month I can just about call myself that!) and guys are a part of my life, but other than people from my past they are something I guess I haven't blogged much about because 1; it's another personal chamber I'm opening, and 2; so far this blog has been about my change. Today will be different. I think it's about time that I totally open up my present, rather than my past. So here goes, on 26th March 2012, this is how my life stands.
I don't mean to sound like a big-head here, but after having several different guys try to win me over, I have realised why it takes me time at the beginning, to be drawn in. For a long time now I've put a lot of focus on myself as a person simply due to the past, and in previous relationships I admit I have not been at peace with myself or my life. I know I've said it before and it's probably such a cliche, but I think if I was any happier right now, life would just seem surreal. Sometimes I do wonder how I am so happy when things around me are so rubbish, but the trick is to not let it get you down. I will never know how I've managed to master that one, but it doesn't even matter, not one tiny bit.
When I was little, I used to think that different parts of life were like categories and they shouldn't mix, but now I know they can relate to one another. The past few times I've shared my ambitions with a guy, they've either wanted to block it out, or try to change my mind. You see, fulfilling all my goals would entail moving across the pacific, and I have such great determination to do so, that I guess I made them panic or something. I'm thankful for that though 'cause if anybody ever wants to try to stop someone from fulfilling their dreams, I think it's safe to say that they are selfish, but also that they don't really have your best interests at heart at all. (Okay, apology is needed here! I said at the beginning I would talk about the present rather than the past, but I'm sorry, I just cannot stop myself comparing!) The last person I shared those plans with is still in my life, and it pleases me to say that all I received was admiration. It pleases me even more, to share with you guys that I am this close || to having my dream job.
The sun is shining, I'm smiling, and life is moving fast.
Never watch your life pass you by, instead, stand up and move forward with it.
How many of you would be honest with yourselves and admit when memories can get you down?
How many of you would feel like a failure, if you let those memories get you down?
Well, don’t. Being sad isn’t always a bad thing.
I mean sure, continuously feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders isn’t the healthiest feeling out there, but having a bad day or two isn’t such a bad thing, it’s probably good for you, even.
Over the past few days a couple names have been brought up that bring up some not-so-pleasant memories for me and today they really hit home, but this time I couldn’t run and hide from them because that’s not what friends do, and I was needed. I had to be there for my friend because I love her and didn’t wanna let her down when she needed me, but I also had to be there for myself. The way I figured I’d do the latter of the two, is by doing nothing. Yep, that’s right. No quick fixes, no brushing the feelings off, no pretending they don’t exist, and no acting like it doesn’t bother me.
First I told myself that I was struggling, then I told my friend. ‘Cause at the end of the day, she wouldn’t have wanted me to keep something from her that was affecting me, even if it did relate to her in some way. Then, I just let it be. I let myself feel whatever I had to feel to enable me to pass through the memories. There were tears, laughter, and songs, followed by smiles. You see, I’d accepted that something had affected me, I’d let myself feel it to the extent, I rode out the feelings, and now I’m raring to go again, full of wise words to share with my friend!
Sadness isn’t always a bad thing, because at the end of the day, it helps us be the people we truly are, and it makes us so much stronger.
So I just wanted to share with you guys a cover by an awesome and very talented friend of mine, that she sang when I needed to hear it most. It makes me smile, because it helped me through those times.
I just came across this picture, and wanted to share it with you guys before I sleep because it could not be truer.
Throughout my life I’ve had good and bad times just like all of you, but in all of those ‘near-perfect’ times, the scale of my happiness did not even compare to my happiness now. In that ‘now’ state, there are many things going on in my life that people would call ‘problems’, but I smile whilst facing them rather than letting them tear me up. That’s what I’d call true happiness.
Now, go dream of smiley people dancing in the rain...
Courtney’s Imagination★
I know I've posted about fear a few times already, but it's something that keeps arising because it's still in my life, so this post is gonna be a little bit about it too. I don't want people to think I'm not okay from this post, because I have never been better. I am merely practising honesty, and following the lyrics that taught me a wonderful lesson.
Have you ever been so scared of something, that all you wanna do is run from it?
For a long time now, I've been the girl that tries to take herself out of the bad situations. To myself, I've often felt like all I'm doing is running away or not facing up to it, but most times I know I done the thing that was right for me at the time. Today, I've found myself close to the point of wanting to run away again, but this time it's not from a bad situation.
The first time I managed to pull myself out of a massive rut and felt happiness, it felt wrong because it was different, and not something I had been used to. It scared me at first, but I liked it. Sometimes fear is good because it brings challenges and I like challenges because they always teach me something. Now though, my fear is for something good, but I'm struggling to want to face it. I'm struggling to want to trust.
There has never been a point in my life so far that I have felt as fulfilled as I do now, and that makes me care about myself a lot more than I have before. I have never had as much to lose, as I do these days. I have never been so at risk, for letting people into my life. In a weird way I am proud that I can say that, because my life is in such a great place right now.
Let's sum up the truth behind my fears, shall we?
I am not scared of loving, of trusting, of opening up.
I am scared of somebody no longer loving me, of somebody betraying my trust, and of letting somebody know everything about me, so they can use it against me, to hurt me.
I have been in those situations before. They're far from pretty, and I lost myself for a long time.
Maybe it's paranoia, maybe it's just me, or maybe it's natural. Whatever it is, it's a challenge I may shortly face.
All in all, I've said what I need, and I am still happy. Therefore, I shall end with a happy song...
Before I even begin writing this post, I just want to apologise for any overuse of the words 'somebody' or 'someone', not only in this post, but throughout the blog. The reason for it is because this blog is about my life, and although there are many people I share my life with, I do not wish to publicly name most of them in case they may have a problem with it.
Particular happy memories have been floating around my head over the past few days, and as I began to question myself over the reason for it today, I noticed that the answer was staring me in the face. Somebody recently came into my life whom reminds me endlessly of an 'ideal image' of somebody that I used to know, of memories that I once made. I haven't quite managed to put my finger on what's causing the likeliness yet, but it feels extremely odd, in a good way. This person came into my life by chance, but they're making their mark on it simply by being themselves, and I admire that.
I could not be more grateful for the people I have in my life these days, and about the people I don't have. I have been shown the people who truly care for me and it was an eye-opener, but I can finally say and believe that it is their loss, and I am strong enough to not be held back by people I don't need anymore. Something I often find myself saying to people is 'letting go doesn't mean you're weak, or that you're giving up, it means that you're strong enough to realise that life changes, often in ways we don't expect'. I definitely said it to myself, when I didn't want to let people no longer be in my life. Then I fought through the fear. I realised that I was scared of letting people go, because I was scared of losing the memories.
I am always scared of forgetting; people, places, feelings, faces, voices, personalities, sights, sounds, etc. Even the thought fills my eyes with teardrops. But that is where I need trust myself more. Trust is a big part of life, and it doesn't just stand between 2 people.
Sometimes, the unexpected things we receive are the greatest of them all.
Sometimes, the changes that are thrown at us bring the greatest results of them all.
Often we have to let go of things to be able to get better ones.
Make wonderful memories, learn amazing things, love with gracious hearts. Do all of that and more.
But the most important one, get out there and live your life!
Sometimes when life's challenges are thrown at us all at once, we find ourselves preferring not to deal with them so we throw ourselves into the task of avoidance, finding any means possible to keep ourselves busy and try to move on without dealing with the problems. I discovered the hard way, that this is extremely unhealthy and does us more damage, than good.
How many of you are guilty of the above crime? Probably most of you to be honest, even if you haven't realised.
I've been in situations that are hard to deal with, and I've been in situations that come back to haunt you, and I can tell you now, the latter is most definitely the hardest.
Nothing in life is easy let alone the things that hurt us, but if it was all a piece of cake, it wouldn't be worth it. No matter what hits us, in time we learn how to move on from the bad. I may not always see it this way when I'm hurting, but I'm a strong believer that being hurt in life is good because if we were never shown how bad it's possible for us to feel, we'd never appreciate the things that make us smile, and how amazing they are.
If you're feeling hurt, or angry, or upset, or betrayed, or any negative feeling, have a think about your entire life so far. Have you been happy before? More often than not, the answer will be yes. Therefore, you know that it is possible for you to feel happiness. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling rubbish; you're not a freak, or messed up, or a robot, you're just bogged down with life, and all of the hurdles that you haven't learnt to jump over yet. Don't panic; take it step by step, and gradually you can teach yourself how to work through everything and smile again.
I did. Many times.
I've grown to be a strong believer in the phrase 'life is what you make it' because that's truly what it is. So much negativity can be brought into our lives so often that it's so easy to get bogged down and let it affect us. It's the natural option that our instincts choose because fighting it and believing that we can make the bad situations into something good seems so, SO much harder. At the end of the day though, if we just sit and let it all pile up on our shoulders, we will honestly never be happy. Also if we try to brush past the problems without working through our feelings towards them, I can promise you, they WILL come back to haunt you and then it's ten times harder.
We can't predict what life's gonna throw at us, nor can we prevent it, but we can learn how to challenge ourselves in the best possible ways, and we can learn how to smile in spite of our problems.
More often than not, people stare so long at the door that's closed behind them, at the thing they've lost, that they miss all the doors that are opening in front of them, because they're looking behind them.
Look forwards.
Jump forwards, walk forwards, dance forwards, climb forwards, crawl forwards, skip forwards, sprint forwards.
However you move, make it forwards, and only hold what's behind you as a memory.
Holding on to the past will never do you good.
Let yourself live, love, and laugh.
Courtney's Imagination★
If you have a Facebook account (or maybe even if you don't), you'll probably know that most people over-use it. I too used to do that to the point of people moaning at me for being on it too often, but then I truly started to do think about what was best for me, and how I haven't in the past done the things that are good for me. Not spending so much time on the social networking site made me realise that I wasn't missing out on anything, because communication through technology has grown to mean less and less to me, but it also made me realise some people that I don't need in my life right now. So, they got deleted, and blocked. This isn't something I've often done but I felt that it was something I had to do this time, because I don't think they deserve to see how great I'm doing.
Never don't do something that's good for you because you're scared of letting go.
Let go of all the negativity, whether it's in the form of places, people, texts, or material objects. Give yourself that freedom that's waiting for you to embrace it.
I hope you're happy, because I am.
In my entire life I have never been so unsettled and so settled all at once, and it's crazy, but it's life, and I effing love it!!
Chasing the dreams with a full, happy heart...
Courtney's Imagination★
