It's easier not to say anything.

As you guys will probably know by now, since this year started, I have been working to discover more about myself and ways to build on my life. Today, it's my speech, that has come under scrutiny.

I was watching a TV show about speech not long ago, and it brought on reoccurring thoughts I've had about my own speech. I can talk, don't get me wrong, but there are times that it's difficult. Let me explain...

As I was growing up there wasn't a lot that I spoke to people about, and to this day, it's a struggle to open up. Often though, I find that it's not because I don't want to tell somebody something, it's that I find myself physically unable. I can recall many times in my life that I have wanted to say something to somebody but find that the words have been stolen from my lips, and it's extremely frustrating for somebody to think that you want to keep your life a secret from them. The situation often used to be that I didn't want to talk about the things I was feeling, but that is not the case now, as I am more than happy to email or text people about my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it's just anxiety or paranoia kicking in, but it's something that I just wanted to draw my own attention to, and share with you guys.

Also I'd just like to apologise for the lack of blogs this month... I am by no means going to stop blogging, but life has been chaotic. I have a long list of things I'd like to write about and upload as well as a couple of posts I need to check, but they're all on my laptop which is currently dead, and the charger is broken!

I'd also like to say that I visited my nan today, and the only questions that I had to repeat answers to were to my Granddad, who had been out of the room when I previously answered them. A lot of you will never understand what this means to me, but I can tell you now, I am still in awe.

My heart is so full right now.

Finding my voice...

Courtney's Imagination★

Get happy.

Today, I thought I lost some strength. Fact is, I probably gained some, if anything.

I am more than happy to admit that often in life we are gonna struggle, but sometimes, those struggles can get repetitive. I still stand by the saying ‘Life is what you make it.’ but I do understand that sometimes it isn’t that easy.

For example, today I woke up in one of the worst moods possible for no reason at all, and wanted to shut the world out. Instead, I got out of bed and made it so I didn’t get back in, I got dressed, I put on my most meaningful necklace, then looked in the mirror and said to myself; “Let’s do this.’ However many times I have preached the phrase ‘say what you need to say’, it doesn’t end there. I have found that we also have to do what we need to do. Therefore, today I made an effort to be a friend in this world, rather than hate it. In reality if I'd of given in to my instincts today, I would’ve only been hurting myself.

That’s something we often don’t realise too. Most time in our lives when we are stressed out, or upset, or angry, we are the only ones that we are affected by feeling those negative emotions. There are so many times I have told my mum to chill out, or calm down to help herself, but I guess people can be so caught up in the moment that they miss the reality of the situation. Though, that's also like the situation of focussing on the bad parts of your life for so long that you miss the good ones, and the opportunities. Open your mind, and your heart.

Next time you’re feeling something negative, think about who it’s hurting, or affecting. Often, it will only be you. That’s why I believe it’s easier to be calm in crappy siutations, because you think more rationally, and find that the situation can be sorted easier than you first thought, or maybe even that it’s not actually as bad as you first thought.

If all else fails at giving you a smile, music never fails.

You’ve got the power, remember. You control your life.
Courtney’s Imagination★