"It's no wonder you're fucking feeling down".

Today I’m gonna be a hypocrite because we can’t be strong every day, least of all when we get bad news. Today, I feel like the world is bloody cruel.

My family have been through so much, especially lately, and I’m proud of them. I only just realised it if I’m honest, but they must all be made of stone, or something. Over the past year or so, life just seems to have got worse and worse for them and they’ve just gone along with it. I honestly thought it had reached a point that couldn’t get any worse, but today I have been proven wrong. Today, I have been given yet another piece of shitty news that’s aiming to tear them apart.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been working on a programme with an amazing staff team, and a lot of kids who need to be shown their potential, like I needed when I was their age. It was a great programme, but it was a little overwhelming as I once again reflected on my journey. As the pressure heated up and the challenges were thrown at me, I faced them head on, thrashed every single one, and was even commended for doing so. Afterwards though, the lack of sleep and stress had worn me down and it was like a lorry had knocked me sideways. I went outside for air whilst the team finished packing up, and was joined by one of them for a heartwarming conversation. We concluded that it’s no wonder I felt down, when so many different parts of life are in the gutter. For once it was weirdly nice to not be emotional about me, because I’m at a relatively good place in my personal life and am hopeful and positive for the parts that aren’t so great. I feel a little guilty for that though, being able to be content when my family are having such a tough ride in life right now.

It’s hard to feel positive for my family, when they just keep getting knocked down. I’m not going to list all of the issues with them because it’s not fair on them and I don’t want sympathy, but today I discovered that one of them has cancer. Today was the first day in a long time that I’ve cried those howl-y, achey, heart and soul kinda tears. I felt like I was mourning for my family’s sanity. I am so mad that so much shit is being thrown at them, because they are the last people who deserve it right now. I’m so angry and heartbroken all in one that it’s blocking my pma, but I don’t even care. I feel like an angst-ridden teen again.

Not every day can be a good one I guess, so I’m just going to let myself be sad until it passes. Sometimes all we have the strength to do is have some down-time and feel sorry for ourselves, so that's what we must do!

Bad news hits me hard, but sometimes, the world is so unfair.

I have a happier, half-written post to upload for you soon but until then, I need this...

Courtney’s Imagination★

Would you have done the same as Derek Redmond?

A few days ago an inspiring video was brought to my attention, and I want to share it with you guys. It’s about a guy called Derek Redmond. I don’t know much about him except for what this video shows me, but he was favoured to medal in the olympic 400m race in Barcelona, 1992.

When I was shown the video I was told it would me me cry, but I didn’t realise quite how much. As the clip played and I saw how determined, ambitious, and inspirational Derek was, I can honestly say I was crying like a baby. In awe of this man, tears were streaming down me cheeks faster than you can say “wow”.

Derek didn't quit, and he is a true example of ‘It’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part’. As he got back up to finish that race, no matter how badly it hurt him, he saw no option in giving up. He knew what he wanted to do, and that alone is something that so many of us lack.

The video still leaves me a little speechless if I’m honest, but I think what Derek done was truly remarkable. It was a sign of such strength and courage and I think it could teach us all a thing or two about motivation. Plans may change, and not everything in life will work out the way you want or expect, but sometimes it's the unexpected things that teach us the most.

Don't be a quitter.

When you fall in life, get back up.

Never give up.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Are you in love?

I used to wonder why people would ever cheat on their other half, but sometimes the hypocrite in me understands it. Sometimes I do see why someone would want to be with someone other than their girlfriend or boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean they should do it. At the same time though I will always believe that if you have to be with more than one person at once then you shouldn’t be with either of them, because they clearly don’t give you everything you want. Nobody deserves that pain of finding out that the person they’re with wants to be with someone else, or the phases of blaming themselves, or the lack of trust they then have for everybody in their lives. I’ve been with guys who’ve cheated on me, and even though I can let myself see reasons for it, I am definitely 110% against it.

I think when somebody hurts you in a way you haven’t been hurt before, you don’t bounce back easily. You go through phases of emotion whilst trying to understand how somebody could possibly hurt you like that, because it just doesn’t sink in. You wonder how you can get over it and you wonder how you can stop loving them. A friend of mine has had some guy trouble lately and been wondering whether or not to give out a second chance or whether to wait for the guy she loves, and it got me thinking about love. I can honestly tell you now, I don’t think anybody ever falls totally out of love. I mean, when you make memories with someone, take photographs, give gifts, and share parts of your life with them, they’re things you’re never gonna forget. People say you can forgive but never forget, and I think that’s true. You can learn to forgive somebody and let go of the pain to move on with your life, but in reality, it will always be there in the back of your mind.

Out of all my previous relationships, there has only been one that felt perfect when it happened. We were totally smitten and he had more in common with me than any other guy, but it wasn’t plain sailing. There were definitely bumps and cracks along the pavement, and in the end it didn’t work out. I’m not gonna play the victim here because I gave as good as I got when it comes to hurting each other, but it doesn’t change the fact that I care about him. Somebody once told me that if you truly love somebody but break-up then a friendship between you will never work, but if you don’t truly love them, then you could have the best friendship after you split. We never worked as friends after we broke up, but I’ve learnt a lot about things I want in a guy, and things I don't want.

I know it’s often unrealistic to have an image in your head of what you want from a guy, but at the end of the day most of the characteristics are probably opposite traits to previous boyfriends, so it’s only natural. I do know the things I want from a guy, but I’m realistic too, and willing to compromise. A wise friend of mine once told me to think about the things I would compromise though, and the things that I feel are necessary. There are some traits in a guy that would just be a bonus, but having things in common to base a relationship around in the first place is a pretty big essential. She also told me to think about the things I may subconsciously settle for that would be compromising myself. Never settle for second best, guys and gals. That goes both ways. Never settle for being second best, and never settle for having second best. If you do, I can promise you now, you will forever be looking over your shoulder at what you’re missing.

I know I’m young but there are a few guys I’ve loved and I’ll admit there will always be a part of me that will always love parts of them, but I’m thankful to them for being in my life and for helping me learn about the things that matter to me. I’m thankful to them for helping me learn who I am, and believing in me.

Love is like a memory; it never totally fades away, even if you want it to.

You can never forget the things in your life, for they made you who you are today.

People enter your life for a reason.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Speaking of love, I have a lot for this man...

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like everything was 'out of place'?

When something has been a regular occurrence or feeling in your life, you just assume that it’s like that for everyone else, too. You never stop to think that there’s even a possibility that you’re doing something that isn’t normal. Even when you’re moaned at or nagged, or called a control freak, for some reason you still don’t see that something isn’t right. Until you grow up.

I watched a documentary last night about people admitting to their problems, and seeing as there are still problems I haven’t mentioned on here or really admitted to myself, I decided it was time to unleash another. I think I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I have irrational fears and intrusive feelings. For as long as I can remember, things have always had to be ‘just right’, and I simply could not stop until they were. Something odd I remember often doing is touching the door-frame. If I’d hit my shoulder whilst walking through, I would always have to stop and touch it again in exactly the same place, until it felt right, or until I got to a ‘comfortable number’. My number was usually 4. Sometimes I would turn around and touch the other shoulder 4 times as well, to make it even.  I remember counting words, too. If I was singing along to something for example, and I sung a wrong word, I would have to repeat it 3 times, so that they added to the original to make a fourth. Then and only then would I feel that it had been ‘cancelled out’ and no longer mattered.

I once cleaned all the cupboards inside and out, before even attempting to put my things inside them. Spilling food drives me insane. If I feel like something is dirty, I must clean it, even if it's spotless. Contamination scares me. I remember being in cars and classrooms with people having to squish to one side of the desk or back seat in fear of being touched and 'contaminated'. I am protective of my belongings. I can’t deal with place-mats and coasters out of line on the table, or dvd cases and books out of place on the shelf. The clothes in my wardrobe are categorized and organised, just like my draws, books, shoes, and even my coats on the coat rack. I won’t rest until my clothes are folded exactly symmetrical or the corners of my towels match up exactly, and I cannot sleep until the top of the duvet is perfectly in place inside the duvet cover. I always move the chairs in my mum’s lounge so they are aligned, and I always have to close the curtains so they are 'perfect' and I can see no gaps. I get anxious that I will be at harm if people realise that the lights are on behind the curtains, and somebody is in. When I am alone outside I am always paranoid that somebody’s behind me, or out to get me. When I am home alone I am always anxious that somebody is in the back garden, or right against the door as I check several times that it’s locked. If I forget to check something, I will be stressed and unfocussed until I get the chance to check it. I notice details too well, and remember them too often. I reread things over and over until I feel like I know what it says, and I always worry that I don't know something well enough. When I travel places, I have to check everything I've packed several times, even if it means I have to unpack and repack. I fear too much that I will miss something out.

I have routines. I follow routines before I go to bed, before I go out somewhere, before I travel somewhere, before I go to work, etc. Often I have found myself late or rushing for something because my routine overran, or waking up at stupid o’clock downstairs because I lacked the energy to get ready for bed and had fallen asleep because I ‘just couldn’t’ miss the routine and go straight to bed. Changes in plans fill me with panic. My room at my mum’s is like my little temple. I’ll admit, it’s not always neat, but everything is in a place I am content with. It’s the one place in which nobody can touch things or move them, or lose them. I’ve always said that my bedroom is my organised chaos, because it’s the one room that is only used by me, or me and others at the same time.

Many times I have found myself obsessing over someone or something, and it used to hurt. I mean, I would be so fed up of constantly thinking about that one thing over and over that I would just get so distressed to the point of screaming. Having clean hands is something I also obsess over. I know that’s such a cliché symptom, but it’s one I have. I simply cannot cope with the feeling of sticky or dirty hands, whether they’re mine or anybody else’s. I remember being annoyed at school, wondering how people could eat their packed lunches without washing their hands before/after. I used to constantly be crossing out words in my books at school if I felt that they weren't neat enough or 'just didn't look right'. A reoccurring thought that’s been with me ever since I can remember is ‘I’m not good enough’ or something I’ve done ‘isn’t good enough’. I know that naturally as human beings we are our own harshest critics, but an obsession over a need for reassurance simply isn’t natural. 

I go through phases of severity and my obsessions and anxieties have changed as I’ve grown up, but many of the things mentioned above are still things I struggle with daily. Up until last night I had never even thought about treatment because I thought it was all just 'ways of life'. I thought OCD symptoms were things people just continued to live and struggle with, but now help is something I’m going to look into. Since coming out of hospital and being 'labelled' with a stomach disease I have always feared adding 'labels' to my list of imperfections, but sometimes the things we need to do reign higher than the things we want to do. Half of me is still unconvinced and feels like all the things I do are normal, but the other half is tired of being obsessed and anxious, because it makes me feel insecure. Even the simple thought of a time when I won't feel it necessary to check everything is off or locked or closed, etc, or have everything perfectly aligned or 'in it's place' distresses me. The fact I have these feelings frustrates me but it isn’t possible to just stop like that, because it all revolves around thoughts in my head and they can’t be turned off with a flick of a switch.

Nobody's perfect, everyone has flaws. This is one of mine.

Step up and help yourself. Admit that you’re struggling.

Admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery.

Here’s to a brighter, potentially less ‘arranged’ (AHHHHHHHHH!!) future.

It’s scary to try new things and ways of life, but hopefully this will be a calmer one.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Did you know that he self-harms?

A few weeks ago now, a friend of mine put something on her Facebook profile, asking why people cut themselves. It was a serious question and a fair point, she had never been in that situation and simply didn’t understand what would bring somebody to hurt themselves so profoundly. I know I’ve briefly touched on the subject a couple of times but it got me wondering, how many other people out there are so bewildered by the subject. The UK is shown to have one of the highest rates of self-harm in the whole of Europe, but my friend is proof that there are still so many people who do not understand it. It’s difficult to give exact statistics because the majority of people keep it a secret, but you very probably know somebody who does or has self-harmed. I don’t claim to be a professional or to know everything, but I have experience, and in this post I hope I can help you understand self-harm a little more.

As I was reading through the comments of my friend’s post, it was easy to differentiate between those who had been there, and those who hadn’t. Some people questioned different, less painful techniques and made ‘funny’ comments, and others tried to answer the question by thoughts and theories. It pulled at my anger strings quite remarkably when I read through the comments that made fun of self-harming, but how are people supposed to act, when it is treated as a taboo subject and rarely if ever, spoken about. I knew that from my anger, I had 2 options; I could react to the comments and gain nothing or I could have a good shot at proving them wrong. I chose the second option, and even the ‘comedian’ was impressed.

Self-harming is a cycle:

- You hurt yourself to cause physical pain in an attempt to cover over the emotional pain.

- You feel a release of the tension and pressure that has been building up inside you.

- You are so ashamed with yourself that you keep it a secret from everybody around you.

- You feel guilt over your secret, adding to the emotional pain.

- You repeat the process.

There are many different names for self-harming, and many different methods of it. You may find it referred to as self-injury, self-abuse, self-inflicted violence, or self-mutilation. Whatever it is called it means the same, but there are many ways to hurt yourself, and different methods work for different people. The most recognised forms are cutting, burning, scratching, hitting/slapping yourself, banging against walls or furniture, pulling hair, breaking bones purposefully, and generally picking at your body/old wounds or injuries. They are all ways which inflict immediate pain or damage, but there are also forms which inflict gradual, long-term damage. Eating disorders, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, excessive risk taking, neglecting physical health, and general destructive behaviour are all less obvious forms of harm, but they all cause damage.

Contrary to popular belief, people don’t hurt themselves because they want to die, they hurt themselves because they want to live. They inflict pain on themselves as a coping mechanism, to try and get through the mental pain in their lives.  Most people who self-harm are depressed, and depression is a physical and mental problem because it's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's often triggered by negative and traumatic events or situations and continued by stress, pressure, and shame. It doesn't arrive lightly, and it doesn't leave lightly either. It’s one of those things that turns to an addiction and an obsession, and it becomes like a lifeline; something you do just to get by. It's easy to say to a self-harmer that there isn't a reason to do it, but the things they feel caused by the depression can be so ridiculously strong and poignant, that nothing else seems to matter. They feel so hopeless about themselves and their life, that pain is all they are able to focus on. 

To the people around them it may seem selfish and pointless, but when you get into such a bad emotional/mental state, you're blind to pretty much everything around you. Sometimes I could see what was going on around me and I wanted to cling to it and be pulled back up, but I was so far into my downward spiral that I couldn’t leave the cutting behind. It was my safety net and my shield from the rest of the world. It was the only way I had discovered to feel like I wasn’t so trapped, and to feel something different from the intense emotional pain. For some people just the physical pain is enough of a release to focus on rather than the emotional pain they're feeling, but others feel like cutting to bleed helps them because as they bleed, the pressure of their pain is released. Sure, to a lot of people it seems insane, but it’s one of those things you'll only ever truly understand if you've been there, done it, and got the t-shirt. (Okay, okay, the t-shirt is optional!)

People self-harm because they don't want to feel emotional pain anymore. They WANT to stop hurting. They need help. They WANT help. Addictions are hard to quit, especially on your own. If you know somebody who self-harms,  reassure them. Make sure they know you’re there for them, and make sure they know that help is available, and recovery is real. If you suspect that somebody you know self-harms, do the same. Never be a pushy friend; you’ll make them feel worthless and like nothing they do will ever be right. It may seem dramatic, but it’s true. When somebody in mentally unwell, everything like feel seems fifteen times greater than 'normal' emotions. Be gentle, self-harmers are fragile.

Hope is real, and help is real. There are so many different people, places, and websites out there that are ready to help you get your life back on track, but you need to make the first move. You need to admit to yourself that there’s a problem. Even if you want to continue protecting your life from your loved ones, there are professionals you can talk to. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger, because you’re not emotionally connected to them.

If you’d like to know more about self-harm and mental health or want to take that first step to make a change in your life, here are a few websites to help you...

• http://www.twloha.com/facts/
• http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=148
• http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/self-harm
• http://www.selfharm.co.uk/home
• http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Self-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx
• http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
• http://www.selfharm.net/

Whether you help yourself, or someone else, always remember that you’re not alone. You will thank yourself for that, in the future.

Living proof that recovery is possible...
Courtney’s Imagination★

“I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.” - Aly

Never regret anything, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

The sun may have taken a break where I am today, but whilst it was shining bright yesterday, it got me thinking. I know I’ve mentioned before about the changes I’ve made, but it’s when you have deja-vu moment, that’s when it really hits you.

I was walking down the street yesterday with the sun beaming down onto my skin, and I had one of those moments. I was wearing a dress and sandals, that’s it. No tights or leggings, no cardigan or jumper, just skin. A couple of years ago, that story would’ve been the opposite.

I remember being nagged to take off my hoodie so I wouldn’t overheat, and asked how on earth I could wear jeans in that heat. Truth be told I have no idea how I didn’t pass out that summer, but I guess it just wasn’t my priority. I remember always wanting to wear long trousers just because I felt like an idiot by wearing long sleeves and showing my legs. I had to wear the long sleeves of course, because if I hadn’t, my secrets would’ve been on show for the world to see.

It must’ve been the summer of 2008 in particular. It was the longest summer of my life; almost 3 months long, because it was the year I left school. It was the year I had the most cuts and scars. It was the year I was most ashamed of myself. It was the year that I had the most to hide. I had to wear those long sleeves to cover those cuts and scars.

So looking down at my arms yesterday with the sun-rays glaring straight onto my skin, I was proud. I am proud. Proud of who I am, and who I’ve been, because the past has made me who I am today. Most of my scars are now invisible to other’s eyes, but I can make them out because I know where they were. They’re the scars that show me how much life can change, how much people can change, and how amazing life can be.

Harming myself used to be an addiction and it used to put me at ease, because I hated myself so much and felt that I deserved punishment.
Now I am glad I’ve made mistakes in my life, because I love myself and I believe those who feel the greatest lows, also feel the greatest highs.

I would not change a single thing that has happened in my life.

Would you?

Change is possible. I am living proof.

No regrets. Life your life, live your dreams. Never lose hope.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Are you beautiful?

In England the sun is shining bright and the forecast is set to be good for the rest of the week, so that is just something else to add to my good mood! This is the first post I'm writing to you whilst sitting in the sun, and it is awesome! The sun is bright, the tunes are blasting, and even the birds are singing along! I'm not just gonna drone on about summer though, don't worry.

The further forward I get in life, the further behind I am leaving my past. Obviously it’s stuff I will never forget because it’s all made such an impact on the girl I am today, but I know that my past doesn’t effect my present or my future anymore. The reason I say that it doesn’t effect it anymore, rather than just saying it doesn’t effect it, is because that’s a choice I made. I made that choice to not turn memories into regrets and let them hold me back from living my life and moving forwards.

I’ve probably spoken about this in a post before at some point and I know it is such a common cliché, but life really is what we make it. I used to think I would never succeed and I would never get anywhere in life, but now I am finding myself so much further above those expectations. Any expectations we set ourselves whilst in a bad state of mind, we are bound to excel past when that state of mind changes. I’ve been in a bad place so many different times in my life, that it always became my belief that I wasn’t good enough. When we start to believe negative things about ourselves, we start to ruin ourselves profoundly. The question ‘Am I good enough?’ is something that’s haunted me for a long time, in any and every situation, and it came from believing negative things about myself. All those negative beliefs, came from negative comments of others.

I don’t believe those things now, and I think the people who have said them are simply jealous and/or just trying to make their insecurities feel smaller, but it did take me a long time and a lot of mistakes to get to the point that I make my own opinions and beliefs about myself.

How many of you have ever called somebody, anybody, a name? Maybe a homeless person, or an elderly person?
How many of you have been called a name that you didn’t like?

Chances are, most of you would put your hands up to both of those questions. I’ll openly admit that I would, too. This is something I’ve seen too, I mean, I didn’t realise at the time because I was too young and hurting too much, but the person who used to bully me was being bullied herself. I believe that this is often the case. But if we gave a thought before we opened our mouths, we could more than likely prevent a lot of pain.

It may be a beautiful day, but there are a lot of people in this world that are not beautiful on the inside. Make sure you’re not one of them, and think before you speak.

Take a second to think about what you should say to somebody, before you say it. Words can speak louder than you may ever realise. Words can hurt somebody more than you may ever realise.

If you make fun of somebody, what do you gain?
If you compliment somebody, what do you lose?

The answer to both of those is nothing, but you can impact somebody’s life, by either. Impact a life in a positive way, and you won’t regret it.

Be beautiful.

Stay beautiful.

Courtney’s Imagination★

I'm veggie and proud.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to write for a long time because it’s a question people often ask me, but there’s always been something else on my mind that I want to write. With this week being National Vegetarian Week, it’s the perfect time for me to get around to writing this!

I’m not going to write about why you shouldn’t eat meat or try to make you become a vegetarian and I’m not going to turn to gory details, this is simply a chance for me to share my personal reasons and promote this week. I know that what we eat is our own choice and noone else’s, just like the things we say and do, and that’s why I don’t agree with the people who try to force their values and beliefs onto other people.

I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 5 years, and as I meet new people and they become aware of this, they question it. I don’t think anybody really questions vegetarianism out of nosiness, I think it just makes people curious. It was an easy transition for me to lose meat from my life because it was something I didn’t eat much of anyway, but lack of it was not the reason I chose to cut it out completely. I made the choice during a time of my life where I felt weighed down by life I guess you could say, and it was one of the first things that made me realise I was my own person and I had the right to have control and make decisions for myself. That teenage era is tricky because there’s such a fine line between being a kid and being an adult, but I gave myself responsibility by choosing not to eat meat because I gave myself the choice.

The control factor of the decision helped me out a great deal because it taught me some things about growing up, but I wouldn’t have made the choice if it wasn’t something I didn’t want. I’d gotten to the point that eating meat disgusted me, and it wasn’t ‘just food‘ anymore. As we grow up, we become more aware of not only our surroundings, but also everything in life, and I became so much more aware of what I was eating. I guess I always knew what it was, but I never really looked into where it came from.

It’s kinda like trusting our the people in our lives, as we trust where our food comes from, but we never really see what goes on behind closed doors. I know plants are living things too, but they’re not quite on the same level as animals and there’s no such thing as ‘plant cruelty’. So when I choose to trust where my vegetables come from, they could be full of chemicals for all I know but it’s only me that would suffer. When I used to trust where my meat came from, it was always another living creature that would suffer and I hate that. Animals don’t have the opportunity to make the choice of whether they’re eaten or not, so I took my opportunity and chose not to eat them.

When people learn that I’m a vegetarian, they ask if I eat fish, and it’s something that really bugs me. I know there are a number of vegetarian sub-categories and I know in some countries the ‘names’ vary, but I hate when people say they’re one thing, and they’re another. 

I am a vegetarian. I don’t eat pork, beef, chicken, lamb, venison, fish, or any other animal. I don’t eat geletine or any other form of animal guts. I am nothing other than what I claim to be. I am veggie and proud.

I know so many people that have had a phase and chosen not to eat meat for a while then gone back to it, but I can honestly never see myself switching back. Even the thought of eating meat again makes me wanna vom.

Happy National Vegetarian Week!!

Courtney’s Imagination★

Time flies, when you're having fun...

Today instead of apologising for the lack of posts this month, I’m going to tell you the reason for it.

A couple of years ago I started writing a book. I was doing well and was pleased with the progress, but then something happened and somewhere along the line it was like I’d lost my pen. I mean, I hadn’t literally lost a pen, but I’d lost whatever it was inside me that was enabling me or motivating me to keep writing that story with so much heart. Several times I tried to bring back the focus, but it never felt right. So lately during one of the busiest times of my life to date, it’s ironic that I have also picked up that pen again. It’s not easy, but hey, the best things in life never are.

So whilst my time has been taken writing something else, it’s been difficult to find time to blog. When I start a writing session, I hate to stop it because I hate to pause and distract the focus. Everything I write has to feel right to me or I won’t be happy with it, and that’s the reason I don’t write short, meaningless posts every day just so I upload something. I write from the heart and I’m not going to sacrifice that.

Maybe one day in the future you will have something a little greater of mine to read, but for today, I shall take some time aside later to do a proper blog post for you guys.

This could help you pass the time...

Courtney’s Imagination★

I temporarily forgot how much I love this man.

I’ve been so crazily busy lately that I seemed to have forgotten how much I love the wonderful Mr. Ben Howard, but not any longer!

After just witnessing his BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge session, I have totally been reminded of how perfect he is.

Darling you're with me forever and always.

Courtney’s Imagination★