Life is too short.

It hasn’t been on purpose that I haven’t posted on here in so long, I’ve just been so caught up in life and my own little world. I thought it was going so well but the past couple of years have been extremely rough, and I guess I have struggled on several occasions. I’m struggling today.

A little while ago I was reflecting on my life, and I realised that my headspace lately hasn’t been a good one. In all honesty I haven’t known how to fix it or make it positive, but tonight I remembered this. Tonight I remembered that this blog used to help me make sense of life, and of myself. I remembered that letting my feelings out here has helped me be positive, and has given me an output, and sometimes even a solution. And often it just seemed to be advice I was imparting on myself, which I could use right now.

So whilst I know that it’s okay not to be okay, it’s also obviously okay to be okay, too. And I want to be, I really do. But I don’t think I can honestly say that I am okay. I thought this year started off so well, yet in my mind today it seems like just another train wreck, waiting to spiral downward and destroy me.

I guess I still haven’t really let everything catch up with me. I mean, there is pain in my heart and in my mind every day, about things I don’t have the power to change. I feel pain because I have never been able to easily accept something. Acceptance has always been a big issue for me, and I think just as I have started getting my head around one thing, something else has happened and sent me back to the start. It’s like a domino effect, when one painful thing reminds me of the previous one, and that one reminds me of the one before, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there in many things in my life that I have accepted, It’s just that the past couple of years have been so eventful and made such a negative impact on me, I don’t think I’ve really had the chance to recover from it all.

It’s times like this that I wonder where my life is going. Three months ago I thought I had my dream job, was about to live abroad and be happier than ever. Three months down the line I am back home in England, wondering where I go from here. I know life isn’t supposed to be easy and that it probably wouldn’t be worth it if it was, but sometimes I wish I could catch a break.

I have to figure out my next steps, whether they are baby steps or giant leaps.

I have to remember how far I have come.

I have to move forward and try to fill my heart with love instead of pain.

This is a song that used to play a big part in my life, and today it’s my inspiration for writing this blog.

Because life is too short. Life is too short to keep everything bottled up inside you. Life is too short to not say your part. Life is too short to simply throw your life away when it gets tough.

Stand up and be proud of who you are.

Never give up on the things you want.

Follow your heart and chase your dreams.
Believe in yourself.

Courtney’s Imagination★

Six years.

March 30th just gone was an extremely profound day for Jamie Twokowski. It was the sixth anniversary of the day that the first TWLOHA t-shirt was worn. TWLOHA has soared over the past 6 years, and has become a very profound part of many lives throughout the world.

TWLOHA is an abbreviation of To Write Love On Her Arms, and is a title with an intense background, that has changed the lives of so many people. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.There are endless blank spots in the memories of my past and I don't actually remember how I discovered the organisation, but it swiftly grew to make an impact in my life.

I think TWLOHA is an amazing organisation not only because they care, but because they actually go out there and do things to make a difference. Caring isn't always enough. They founded the organisation simply from the will to help a friend, and would never have imagined 6 years ago, that raising some money to help a friend through treatment would turn into such a meaningful, important part of so many lives. I wear my TWLOHA tees and wristbands with pride, for the strength behind those 6 words and every story that’s within them. Below is their vision, and the things they believe...

The vision is that we actually believe these things…

- You were created to love and be loved.  You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story.  You need to know that your life matters.

- We live in a difficult world, a broken world.  My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time.  We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments.  You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck. 

- We all wake to the human condition.  We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss.  Millions of people live with problems of pain.  Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay.  We know that pain is very real.  It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real. 

- You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption.  We're seeing it happen.  We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need.  People sitting across from a counselor for the first time.  People stepping into treatment.  In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline.  We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take.  We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change. 

- Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone. 

- The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.  

- The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles. 

- The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.

- The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

- The vision is better endings.  The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships.  The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love.  The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise.  The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.  

- The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.  

- The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.  

- The vision is hope, and hope is real.

- You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.

(http://www.twloha.com/)

I don't wanna ramble too much, so I'll let Jamie himself tell you a little more...

Hope is real. Help is real. Rescue is possible.

Love is the movement.

Your story is important.

Courtney's Imagination★