I will never say goodbye.

The last posts I wrote a few months ago were solely based around my heartache of losing a dear friend of mine, and I’d just like to post an update on the progress of that. I’ve probably been through some of the toughest few months of my life, but thankfully I have been surrounded by some amazing people I recently met.

My flight out to Lapland was an extremely difficult task in itself, because it was the same date as what would’ve been her 21st birthday, and being on that flight meant that I knew, 110%, I would miss my chance to be at her funeral. It was heart-wrenching, to say the least. I met a lot of new people whilst I was away and some days they became the only reason I wanted to get out of bed. They kept me laughing and smiling and were genuinely always there for me. I could not have asked for more support.

Since missing the funeral I have constantly had the urge to fly to her town, and this coming weekend, my wish is coming true. In less than a week I will be on my way to see her family and a few other friends, and I will have made myself totally un-contactable from the rest of the world. Already my eyes are teary and my stomach continuously spins, but I know in my heart that I want and need to do this. At the same time however, it’s like admitting it’s all real. I’ve never had to admit that it has actually happened like this, because I haven’t yet been in the situation of seeing her family, etc, without her. My heart is a broken mess and I couldn’t even count the number of times I’ve told myself ‘It will all be okay’. But as painful as it is, life goes on. Life doesn’t stop just because I’ve lost a loved one, so I have to be strong.

I’m one of those people that will always say ‘See you later’ rather than ‘Goodbye’, so this weekend and forever, that belief will stand. I will never say goodbye to her because it isn’t time for goodbye. Goodbyes are for when you will never see people again, and I see her all the time. She’s in my memories, my mind, my photos, and most of all she is in my heart. She will always be in my heart.

I’ll see you soon, you beautiful girl. Have a drink up there for me.
Courtney’s Imagination★