A few weeks ago now, a friend of mine put something on her Facebook profile, asking why people cut themselves. It was a serious question and a fair point, she had never been in that situation and simply didn’t understand what would bring somebody to hurt themselves so profoundly. I know I’ve briefly touched on the subject a couple of times but it got me wondering, how many other people out there are so bewildered by the subject. The UK is shown to have one of the highest rates of self-harm in the whole of Europe, but my friend is proof that there are still so many people who do not understand it. It’s difficult to give exact statistics because the majority of people keep it a secret, but you very probably know somebody who does or has self-harmed. I don’t claim to be a professional or to know everything, but I have experience, and in this post I hope I can help you understand self-harm a little more.
As I was reading through the comments of my friend’s post, it was easy to differentiate between those who had been there, and those who hadn’t. Some people questioned different, less painful techniques and made ‘funny’ comments, and others tried to answer the question by thoughts and theories. It pulled at my anger strings quite remarkably when I read through the comments that made fun of self-harming, but how are people supposed to act, when it is treated as a taboo subject and rarely if ever, spoken about. I knew that from my anger, I had 2 options; I could react to the comments and gain nothing or I could have a good shot at proving them wrong. I chose the second option, and even the ‘comedian’ was impressed.
Self-harming is a cycle:
- You hurt yourself to cause physical pain in an attempt to cover over the emotional pain.
- You feel a release of the tension and pressure that has been building up inside you.
- You are so ashamed with yourself that you keep it a secret from everybody around you.
- You feel guilt over your secret, adding to the emotional pain.
- You repeat the process.
There are many different names for self-harming, and many different methods of it. You may find it referred to as self-injury, self-abuse, self-inflicted violence, or self-mutilation. Whatever it is called it means the same, but there are many ways to hurt yourself, and different methods work for different people. The most recognised forms are cutting, burning, scratching, hitting/slapping yourself, banging against walls or furniture, pulling hair, breaking bones purposefully, and generally picking at your body/old wounds or injuries. They are all ways which inflict immediate pain or damage, but there are also forms which inflict gradual, long-term damage. Eating disorders, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, excessive risk taking, neglecting physical health, and general destructive behaviour are all less obvious forms of harm, but they all cause damage.
Contrary to popular belief, people don’t hurt themselves because they want to die, they hurt themselves because they want to live. They inflict pain on themselves as a coping mechanism, to try and get through the mental pain in their lives. Most people who self-harm are depressed, and depression is a physical and mental problem because it's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's often triggered by negative and traumatic events or situations and continued by stress, pressure, and shame. It doesn't arrive lightly, and it doesn't leave lightly either. It’s one of those things that turns to an addiction and an obsession, and it becomes like a lifeline; something you do just to get by. It's easy to say to a self-harmer that there isn't a reason to do it, but the things they feel caused by the depression can be so ridiculously strong and poignant, that nothing else seems to matter. They feel so hopeless about themselves and their life, that pain is all they are able to focus on.
To the people around them it may seem selfish and pointless, but when you get into such a bad emotional/mental state, you're blind to pretty much everything around you. Sometimes I could see what was going on around me and I wanted to cling to it and be pulled back up, but I was so far into my downward spiral that I couldn’t leave the cutting behind. It was my safety net and my shield from the rest of the world. It was the only way I had discovered to feel like I wasn’t so trapped, and to feel something different from the intense emotional pain. For some people just the physical pain is enough of a release to focus on rather than the emotional pain they're feeling, but others feel like cutting to bleed helps them because as they bleed, the pressure of their pain is released. Sure, to a lot of people it seems insane, but it’s one of those things you'll only ever truly understand if you've been there, done it, and got the t-shirt. (Okay, okay, the t-shirt is optional!)
People self-harm because they don't want to feel emotional pain anymore. They WANT to stop hurting. They need help. They WANT help. Addictions are hard to quit, especially on your own. If you know somebody who self-harms, reassure them. Make sure they know you’re there for them, and make sure they know that help is available, and recovery is real. If you suspect that somebody you know self-harms, do the same. Never be a pushy friend; you’ll make them feel worthless and like nothing they do will ever be right. It may seem dramatic, but it’s true. When somebody in mentally unwell, everything like feel seems fifteen times greater than 'normal' emotions. Be gentle, self-harmers are fragile.
Hope is real, and help is real. There are so many different people, places, and websites out there that are ready to help you get your life back on track, but you need to make the first move. You need to admit to yourself that there’s a problem. Even if you want to continue protecting your life from your loved ones, there are professionals you can talk to. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger, because you’re not emotionally connected to them.
If you’d like to know more about self-harm and mental health or want to take that first step to make a change in your life, here are a few websites to help you...
Whether you help yourself, or someone else, always remember that you’re not alone. You will thank yourself for that, in the future.
Living proof that recovery is possible...
Courtney’s Imagination★
“I wear my scars proudly. They represent the battles through which I have gone, and I am proud because those battles I have won.” - Aly
