Do it with a heart wide open.

A few days ago, I made myself cry. Yes, I still overwhelm myself with my journey.

You may or may not know by now that throughout my life, I have always had a problem with physically speaking words that I want to say to people. Not just any words; I am more than capable of having pointless and random conversations with people, but when it comes to situations that have in the past, or still do mean something to me, I have always blanked.

I believe the root of that problem was bullying. Starting when I was in primary school and continuing for 7/8 years, I felt like I had a pretty rubbish childhood. Slowly but surely every ounce of my confidence disappeared and I became a girl I didn’t know, but that girl is who I found myself being for several, long years. I was so young and naive when it started though, that I didn’t really know it was wrong. I had no idea that being made to feel like I was living in hell was not normal, so I never spoke to people about it. For so long people never knew the full effect it had on me, most of the ones closest to me still don't, and I will honestly tell you now that I have no idea how on earth I have managed to keep so many secrets for so long.

Anyway. The reason I was brought to tears was because I realised something about myself, and an achievement I had subconsciously made. I had a conversation with somebody. A conversation, face to face, with spoken words, that I have never before managed to conquer in quite the same way. The most important part of this whole scenario was that I didn't even think about it until afterwards. I guess words really do move through our minds whilst we are unaware.

I don't remember if I've posted this song before or not, but it's so relevant right now that I'm going to post it anyway. These words mean the world to me, for so many different reasons.

Say what you need to say...

Courtney's Imagination★